Grief overwhelmed when I was told my father had passed. I was impaled with the feeling of sadness and anger. I never got to say goodbye to the man I loved the most.
My dog, Zoe, died recently before I heard of this tragic news. To be into thrown the mix of emotions all at once, made me upset. For him to leave me in such a short notice, it broke my heart. Anger was one other feeling that I felt within the time of healing because I couldn’t accept that he was in a better place but yet no longer suffering. If I had the chance to see him one more time, I would tell him that I was no longer mad at him. For him to think I chose a side between himself or my mom, was foolish of me to show how I felt through my actions.
A week after understanding the situation, I had recognized his scent upon a pillow. A few days later, I no longer had the affection of his presence around me anymore. It felt as if he were truly gone and I had nothing to remember him by. The grief cut me down through this process, which made me feel like it was my fault in why he made his final decision.
Grief, in my case, was painful and sorrowful. The man I loved most had left us and I still feel as though it was my fault. If you are in a situation as such, don’t be afraid to seek help and understand it isn’t your fault.
It can really affect how you live and how you go on with knowing that you hurt them like that. You feel like it is all your fault and it is really not your fault but you just keep blaming yourself for them leaving. It really hurts a lot to know that you hurt them and now you cannot say that you are sorry.
I talked to my Mom about feeling at fault and angry at my Dad for leaving us like this. She told me that it was not my fault and that my Dad was in pain and he just fell asleep and that was that it was not my fault. I never should have blamed myself like this and that it was okay to have these emotions sometimes but I need to talk them out or work them out of my system. I still feel like it is my fault sometimes but now I know that it is not and it never was. It’s just that sometimes I still think I made him mad. I really am sorry. M.